Anyone else freaked out that 2019 is almost over? Cause I’m totally wondering where this year went.
I had such big plans for this year, and instead I wound up spending most of it fighting my own brain and constantly preparing for or going to conventions and conferences. It was ridiculous. (Someone please punch me if I ever try to do eight conventions in one year again.)
Regardless of how much I wish it wasn’t, the end of the year is creeping up on us. Which means 2020 planners are hitting shelves and folks are starting to think about New Year’s resolutions and goals.
Personally, I don’t like resolutions. They always seem to make me feel guilty when I don’t accomplish them. And most indie planners and programs I’ve found focus on huge, scary goals and dreams, which totally aggravates my anxiety.
But I also really like the idea of heading into the new year with some goals in place to focus on--and having a planner with worksheets and exercises to fill out helps organize my thoughts. It’s been kind of a sticky situation, honestly.
This year, I think I have an answer (at least an experimental one): The 2020 Kickass Outcast Planner.
Yep, I made my own planner--and I want to share it with you! I took the things I liked from other planners I’d tried, ditched the stuff I didn’t like (like huge, scary goals), gave it my own spin for us marginalized folks, and tacked on a couple bonus spells for fun.
With monthly and weekly spreads, encouraging quotes, and plenty of room for doodles or notes, the Kickass Outcast Planner focuses on making teeny, achievable goals, and taking care of yourself throughout the year.
Take a look inside.
If you’re ready to rock 2020 and start working toward radically accepting yourself as a kickass outcast, this planner is for you. Grab your copy today and join me in making next year better than this one (even if only a little bit).
Fall has always been my favorite season. Here in Colorado, we get beautiful colors and the lovely smell of crisp leaves. (Anyone else think fall smells similar to old books?) Or, you know, we get snow first and I have to spend a half hour scraping ice off my car. Because Colorado. And climate change, but I'm not going to go on that rant right now.
Instead, let's talk taking care of yourself as the days get shorter. Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) is pretty common during the fall and winter, and I'll admit I probably suffer from it on occasion myself. Basically SAD is seasonal depression, generally brought on by the lack of sunlight and the cold weather during winter.
Remember I'm not a mental health professional, but some tips I've used and gathered from the Mayo Clinic include:
What do you do to take care of yourself during the darker seasons? I'd love to hear!
I’ve been reading Brené Brown and working on being authentic and brave lately. It’s rough, but I think it’s an important step in owning who we are as Kickass Outcasts.
That’s great, Nonir, but what’s it got to do with me?
Well, it’s got me thinking about how much society pressures us to conform and how deeply most of us have internalized that message.
I’m out here running this site and business focused on putting myself out there as authentically as possible, right? I still worry about what people are going to think and how I stand out.
My subconscious decided to remind me of this the other night, when I had a dream about a cis woman telling me I needed to shave my legs (which I haven’t done in years, btw) in order to fit in. I woke up baffled and hurt--because I realized it was myself telling me to shave, even though I know the people important to me don’t actually care.
This message that I have to fit the perfect image of an AFAB person--hairless, meek, demure--has dug so deep into my brain that it pops up when I move toward doing anything authentic (okay, so shaving my legs may be a metaphor for something bigger, but the point remains).
Even when I think I’m ready to stand on my own and face the world as my Kickass Outcast self, this burning need to keep my head down and fit in refuses to let go.
I know I’m not alone in this. Talking to friends and hanging on the ‘net, I see almost everyone struggle with this. We’ve been conditioned from childhood to avoid making waves, to follow instructions, to tie our self-esteem to how well we can fit in. It’s an incredibly difficult thing to shake off.
But I do believe we can do it. I believe that, with the right support and encouragement and community, we can all learn to truly let ourselves shine. It might take a lifetime, and we’re never going to be perfect at it, but it’s worth the effort.
I’m taking my baby steps forward and continuing to refuse to shave my legs. Because screw you conformity.
What teeny tiny steps can you take to work toward being yourself instead of squishing yourself into a box?
The thing about the fact that we’re all always growing, is that it’s really an incredible opportunity every day to figure out how to be more and more of the person that you want to be.
I don’t know about you, but I needed to hear this. It was tucked away at the end of an interview I stumbled across, but it was one of those phrases that just reached in and punched my heart in the face.
There’s this weird idea that once we hit a certain age, we’re supposed to be done growing and changing--that we’re supposed to know exactly who we are and be content with that.
In my experience, that’s utter bullshit.
Everyone is constantly evolving and recognizing new facets of ourselves. There are people who don’t realize or understand their sexuality or gender until well into their 50s or 60s or beyond. There are people who pick up new hobbies, interests, and passions the older they get. There are people who find their calling years after they’re out of school with a useless degree. [Side-eyes my useless degree]
We’re not some fully-realized human once we become adults. We’re still messy, learning, growing, and changing. And that’s good.
Becoming the person you want to be.
For a long, long time I didn’t know who I wanted to be. I had a list of labels and jobs I wanted, but that isn’t who I wanted to be at the core. Due to my various traumas and being an outcast in my own right, I just felt lost.
But one of the changes I was slowly going through was figuring out who that person is: confident, kind, funny, giving, creative. I’m still not where I’d like to be, but every day I can make the decision to work toward it, little by little.
Every day is a new adventure and a new chance to understand and realize your own inner truth (yeah, okay, that sounds super New Age-y, sorry). So who do you want to be, and what steps are you taking toward them?
You may have noticed my tagline is “art and spiritual services for the outcast.” Which sounds great, right? But also there’s a little wtf up in there. So let’s talk about outcasts and why I’m doing this whole Wandering Jotun thing in the first place.
First off, what do I mean by “outcast,” anyway?
“Outcast” came from trying to figure out a good term to encompass marginalized people and communities that didn’t sound so...clinical. I ran through a lot of different terms, but settled on “outcast” because:
So, wtf is this?
Wandering Jotun Crafts is my attempt to make the world a better place. It’s a little selfish in that I want to use my creative side to support myself financially--but my ultimate goal is to make art that represents, supports, and uplifts my fellow Outcasts.
This is my attempt at cultivating and encouraging community and support between marginalized people, and to remind you that you’re not alone. Because, when it comes down to it, we have to have each others’ backs. Especially in a world that’s increasingly fixated on trying to ensure conformity.
Take a breath and join me, fellow Outcast. We’re gonna make our corner of the world pretty again.
I just need to take a moment to scream about Steven Universe and how incredible a show it is (just, you know, ignore the fandom). For a cartoon aimed at kids, it does an amazing job at tackling some really hard, deep topics--and does it with fab songs, to boot. Warning: here be spoilers.
[For those of you who have no idea what I’m talking about, here’s the wiki rundown.]
When I first started watching SU (a while after it came out, I’ll be honest), I wasn’t really sure what I was getting into, but I was amused enough to keep going. And then, BAM, I got hit over the head with the feels.
I think my first “holy crap” moment in the show was the arc with Jasper and Lapis forming Malachite.
For me, this hit home pretty hard as a representation of an abusive relationship where both parties keep each other trapped. But it’s a kid’s show and they never whack you over the head with “hey, so, this is bad.” It’s just there as a part of the plot, and Lapis has to come to terms with it afterward and learn how to heal.
After “Change Your Mind” came out, someone pointed out that Steven’s arc through that episode really closely mirrors a trans (and I’d even argue any sort of identity-changing realization) coming of age story. They even use the same language and problems when Steven’s attempting to convince the Diamonds that he isn’t Pink. And, while I hadn’t thought about it when I was watching it the first time, it’s absolutely brilliant.
No one is really evil in this show. Everyone has the opportunity to grow and change and learn from their mistakes.
Plus, the Music is Incredible.
From silly tunes like “Cookie Cat” to songs that have literally helped me through a panic attack like “Here Comes a Thought,” the soundtrack is just beautiful. Honestly, some of my most uplifting and motivating songs have come from this show.
Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go keep sobbing over this show and it’s amazing non-binary creator in that corner over there. Feel free to join in.
It's been forever since I've talked about spiritual stuff, so let's go. [Insert motor revving sounds here]
As you may or may not know, I'm a pop culture pagan. I work with spirits from pop media, which comes with an interesting side effect: I know when their birthdays are. This isn't a particularly common thing (at least in my experience) with ancient or 'mythological' spirits. But a lot of pop culture entities were created with specific birthdays, likes and dislikes, and all the other fun stuff that goes into creating a character.
So let's talk spirit birthdays and other celebrations.
Just like physical people, spirits have different reactions to their birthdays. Some of them love celebrating, some want it to just pass unnoticed. Before throwing a party for a spirit, make sure they're comfortable and want it.
Now the fun bit: some ideas on how to celebrate birthdays or other celebrations with the spirits in your life.
Keep in mind these are just ideas and things I've done personally. Make sure whatever you do is fun and works for both you and the spirit(s) you're celebrating with!
That's all there is to it! Anything can be a birthday or celebration gift or activity if you do it with intention and keep the spirit in mind. So go celebrate!
Next weekend is Myths and Legends Con (MALCon to those in the area). This is, technically, my first time attending and I'll be vending in the Author's Nook with my co-author Olivia of Leafing Out Gardening. I'll also be on six panels throughout the weekend, mostly covering queer topics in fiction.
So I've been thinking about being queer in nerdy convention spaces.
I'll be the first to admit that, while there's a lot of overlap between nerds and the queer community, there's still some major issues in geekdom when it comes to queer-phobia. There are folks who sneer as crossplaying (cosplaying a character of a different gender), assume gender regardless of costume, look down on queer-themed merch, make comments about queer couples, and more. It can be very subtle, but it still hurts.
I've personally gotten stink eye at a couple of cons when folks saw my queer pagan prints. I've been misgendered immediately after introducing myself with my pronouns (they/them, in case you missed it) on a panel. I've had people put down books the minute they realized it had queer content. And that's just the tip of the iceberg.
Obviously, I'm out in convention spaces. But I'm still scared af.
I always hesitate when I introduce myself on a panel, even though most of the panels I'm on are about queer-specific topics. I always wonder if someone's going to come up to me afterward and debate my identity or the information I've shared. I unconsciously stick to my friends and stay in specific places just to make sure I'm safe.
But you know what? It's worth it.
By being out and proud at conventions, I've helped other people realize it's okay to be themselves.
Most of the time after a panel, I'll have at least one or two people come find me to talk about how much it meant that I shared my experiences. There's been at least one time when someone told me I'd introduced them to a term that perfectly described them. A couple times, folks have come up and wanted hugs because my experiences echoed theirs so deeply.
And that's important to me.
That's the entire premise behind this business: helping people realize it's okay to be themselves.
So, even though it's scary and convention spaces need a lot of work, I'm going to keep showing up and being as authentic as I can. I don't know how much of a difference I can make as one person. But I hope that, eventually, we can change the convention scene to be more welcoming and accepting to people who aren't cis-het white folks.
I'm not going to lie: I'm exhausted. And I don't mean physically. Emotionally and mentally, I'm drained.
There is so much awful happening in the world right now, and it's impossible to get away from it. It's on the internet, the news, commercials, in conversations--everywhere. Hell, I think about it when I walk outside and am confronted with a hotter summer than I ever remember.
It's like I'm drowning in bad news and hatred.
But I am here to remind you to breathe and give yourself the space and time you need.
It's time to "put on your own oxygen mask before helping others." If you're on medications, make sure you take them. Talk to a therapist (if you don't have one, find one, even if you're neurotypical). Log off the internet for a while. Set boundaries about when and where certain things can be discussed. If you're into meditation, make sure you do that. Spend time with loved ones and snuggle your pets.
Do whatever you have to do to get through. We're in this together. I promise.
Me? I'm going to take a nap and get back to working on some radical art like the Aces High, Jokers Wild series.
P.s. If you're in the Denver Metro area, come down to Enchanted Realms in Colorado Springs
tomorrow (Sat. July 27) from noon to three for a book signing. And be sure to drop by MALCon's author's nook to say hello the weekend of August 9th.
I've been thinking about creating some sort of manifesto for this endeavor for a long time now. I started it months ago and let it stew. I knew I wanted to do something for the kickass outcasts--the people who embrace their true selves and uplift one another and fight for change, no matter how small. But I wasn't sure how to create a banner for us. A rallying cry. Something to look to when we're feeling beaten down and low.
Something clicked today and it finally came together. I don't know if this will resonate with you or not, but it's the core of what I'm hoping to accomplish here at Wandering Jotun: this community of outcasts and weirdos, all lifting each other up and creating the change we need.
So, I present to you, The Kickass Outcast Manifesto (image, with accessible text beneath).
Nonir is a queer pagan nerd and writes about various things in those realms.