Some Thoughts on Pronouns

Last weekend, I was talking with some friends about my preferred pronouns. It got me thinking (not for the first time) about gender identity and the pressures that come with being non-cisgender.

For example: I feel the happiest when someone refers to me using he/him pronouns, but that happiness always comes with a twinge of anxiety because I have no plans to transition in any way (medically or otherwise).

I worry that people will undermine or disrespect my identity as (currently) a genderqueer demiguy because I still present along the androgynous/femme lines, don't bind my chest, don't necessarily want hormones or surgery, and have very femme-coded body language.

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So instead of dealing with that on a regular basis, I'm learning to be comfortable with they/them pronouns.

There's nothing wrong with gender-neutral pronouns, and I do enjoy being somewhat in the middle. But there's also this sort of anger that comes with feeling like I have to choose words to describe myself that don't feel completely right.

Why use pronouns you aren't happy with, Nonir?

Because it's easier and I'm a conflict-avoidant coward. I mean, what?

In all honesty, it comes from not wanting to battle the "trans enough" narrative a lot of society is currently pushing. You know, that idea that your non-cis identity is only valid if you want to completely transition, radically change your life, and buy into the other side of the heteronormative gender binary.

Which is just super not me. And I'm extremely lucky to know a handful of people who don't push that idea and/or fall into this weird middle category with me. But it's still an extremely prevalent thing in society (because respectability politics and whatnot, but that's another post entirely).

So I guess I'm going to wrap up this ramble with this:

Your identity is valid, even if it changes.

Whatever pronouns you want to use are valid, even if they change.

How you decide to present, perform, and explore gender is up you--and the results are valid, even if they change.

- Nonir

P.S. If you're in the Denver area, stop by Denver Pagan Pride on October 6th! I'm sharing a table outside and will have charms, prints, and readings available.