Anyone else freaked out that 2019 is almost over? Cause I’m totally wondering where this year went.
I had such big plans for this year, and instead I wound up spending most of it fighting my own brain and constantly preparing for or going to conventions and conferences. It was ridiculous. (Someone please punch me if I ever try to do eight conventions in one year again.)
Regardless of how much I wish it wasn’t, the end of the year is creeping up on us. Which means 2020 planners are hitting shelves and folks are starting to think about New Year’s resolutions and goals.
Personally, I don’t like resolutions. They always seem to make me feel guilty when I don’t accomplish them. And most indie planners and programs I’ve found focus on huge, scary goals and dreams, which totally aggravates my anxiety.
But I also really like the idea of heading into the new year with some goals in place to focus on--and having a planner with worksheets and exercises to fill out helps organize my thoughts. It’s been kind of a sticky situation, honestly.
This year, I think I have an answer (at least an experimental one): The 2020 Kickass Outcast Planner.
Yep, I made my own planner--and I want to share it with you! I took the things I liked from other planners I’d tried, ditched the stuff I didn’t like (like huge, scary goals), gave it my own spin for us marginalized folks, and tacked on a couple bonus spells for fun.
With monthly and weekly spreads, encouraging quotes, and plenty of room for doodles or notes, the Kickass Outcast Planner focuses on making teeny, achievable goals, and taking care of yourself throughout the year.
Take a look inside.
If you’re ready to rock 2020 and start working toward radically accepting yourself as a kickass outcast, this planner is for you. Grab your copy today and join me in making next year better than this one (even if only a little bit).
Fall has always been my favorite season. Here in Colorado, we get beautiful colors and the lovely smell of crisp leaves. (Anyone else think fall smells similar to old books?) Or, you know, we get snow first and I have to spend a half hour scraping ice off my car. Because Colorado. And climate change, but I'm not going to go on that rant right now.
Instead, let's talk taking care of yourself as the days get shorter. Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) is pretty common during the fall and winter, and I'll admit I probably suffer from it on occasion myself. Basically SAD is seasonal depression, generally brought on by the lack of sunlight and the cold weather during winter.
Remember I'm not a mental health professional, but some tips I've used and gathered from the Mayo Clinic include:
What do you do to take care of yourself during the darker seasons? I'd love to hear!
I’ve been reading Brené Brown and working on being authentic and brave lately. It’s rough, but I think it’s an important step in owning who we are as Kickass Outcasts.
That’s great, Nonir, but what’s it got to do with me?
Well, it’s got me thinking about how much society pressures us to conform and how deeply most of us have internalized that message.
I’m out here running this site and business focused on putting myself out there as authentically as possible, right? I still worry about what people are going to think and how I stand out.
My subconscious decided to remind me of this the other night, when I had a dream about a cis woman telling me I needed to shave my legs (which I haven’t done in years, btw) in order to fit in. I woke up baffled and hurt--because I realized it was myself telling me to shave, even though I know the people important to me don’t actually care.
This message that I have to fit the perfect image of an AFAB person--hairless, meek, demure--has dug so deep into my brain that it pops up when I move toward doing anything authentic (okay, so shaving my legs may be a metaphor for something bigger, but the point remains).
Even when I think I’m ready to stand on my own and face the world as my Kickass Outcast self, this burning need to keep my head down and fit in refuses to let go.
I know I’m not alone in this. Talking to friends and hanging on the ‘net, I see almost everyone struggle with this. We’ve been conditioned from childhood to avoid making waves, to follow instructions, to tie our self-esteem to how well we can fit in. It’s an incredibly difficult thing to shake off.
But I do believe we can do it. I believe that, with the right support and encouragement and community, we can all learn to truly let ourselves shine. It might take a lifetime, and we’re never going to be perfect at it, but it’s worth the effort.
I’m taking my baby steps forward and continuing to refuse to shave my legs. Because screw you conformity.
What teeny tiny steps can you take to work toward being yourself instead of squishing yourself into a box?
The thing about the fact that we’re all always growing, is that it’s really an incredible opportunity every day to figure out how to be more and more of the person that you want to be.
I don’t know about you, but I needed to hear this. It was tucked away at the end of an interview I stumbled across, but it was one of those phrases that just reached in and punched my heart in the face.
There’s this weird idea that once we hit a certain age, we’re supposed to be done growing and changing--that we’re supposed to know exactly who we are and be content with that.
In my experience, that’s utter bullshit.
Everyone is constantly evolving and recognizing new facets of ourselves. There are people who don’t realize or understand their sexuality or gender until well into their 50s or 60s or beyond. There are people who pick up new hobbies, interests, and passions the older they get. There are people who find their calling years after they’re out of school with a useless degree. [Side-eyes my useless degree]
We’re not some fully-realized human once we become adults. We’re still messy, learning, growing, and changing. And that’s good.
Becoming the person you want to be.
For a long, long time I didn’t know who I wanted to be. I had a list of labels and jobs I wanted, but that isn’t who I wanted to be at the core. Due to my various traumas and being an outcast in my own right, I just felt lost.
But one of the changes I was slowly going through was figuring out who that person is: confident, kind, funny, giving, creative. I’m still not where I’d like to be, but every day I can make the decision to work toward it, little by little.
Every day is a new adventure and a new chance to understand and realize your own inner truth (yeah, okay, that sounds super New Age-y, sorry). So who do you want to be, and what steps are you taking toward them?
Nonir is a queer pagan nerd and writes about various things in those realms.