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Who’s ready for another round of Nonir rambles about spiritual stuff? I hope it’s you, because that’s what today’s post is. Whomp whomp. Those you (all two of you) who have been following me over various platforms for a while probably have heard me whine about fallow times and struggling to connect. Well, now that I’m finally getting my head back on straight, let’s talk about the importance of rest in a spiritual practice. First of all, not being able to connect with your deities/spirits/higher self/whatever can be a pain. I’m not going to sugar coat it. It sucks, especially if that relationship has been helping with your mental health in any way. But having downtime is so important to growth--spiritual or otherwise.
The best thing you can do when you find yourself out of touch or struggling spiritually is to relax. Don’t force things. Don’t take on a gazillion courses or try to shove your way into the astral if you’re used to traveling. Try not to get upset or frustrated with yourself. Try not to get resentful or angry with the spirits or gods you work with for not being there. (Odds are they are there, just in the background, waiting for you to finish resting and healing.) Letting yourself relax and accept the fallow times can help:
So the next time you find yourself in a time that feels kind of spiritually empty, just take a few deep breaths, remind yourself that it will pass, and relax. - Nonir
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Raise your hand if you’re a perfectionist. [Imagine my hand waving high in the air] Perfectionism is one of the things I’ve been struggling with for as long as I can remember. I’ve had countless therapy sessions that devolved into “fuck, that’s my perfectionism again!” It’s held me back from doing a lot and contributes more than I’d like to admit to my imposter syndrome and general anxiety. But my therapist had me try something recently that’s really helped--and I want to share it with you. (Keep in mind that I’m not a mental health professional myself, and your mileage may vary. I just found it particularly useful for me. This exercise is also included in the Punch Your Bad Brains in the Face free ebook!) Here it is:
And that’s it! Rinse and repeat as necessary. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve felt Smaug start to lift his head and was able to start soothing him ASAP, which helped me avoid a shame spiral. So now you know how I’m dealing with my perfectionism--how are you dealing with yours? Tell me in the comments! - Nonir
Pop culture has a really complex relationship with mental health.
Honestly, I think that’s one of the things that’s beautiful about fan works: we have the ability to create our own representation, and make sure it’s what we want to see. Just being able to create or consume media that accurately portrays things like mental health issues can be incredibly healing. Representation matters. But even media that doesn’t have representation can be important in mental health. When I was at my lowest a few years ago, I latched onto a video game and it literally became my lifeline. Making it through the day to go home and play was the only reason I kept going. It got me through that time and, in a roundabout way that involved some Pop Culture Paganism shenanigans, was the thing that finally pushed me to get the help I needed. Pop culture strikes at the very core of us in ways we can’t expect. It can go way beyond just escapism. And sometimes that means books, TV shows, video games, music, whatever, are way more important to someone than you could ever guess. So don’t be ashamed if you cling to your favorite show to get you through the day. Do what you’ve got to do to make sure you’re healthy and taking care of yourself mentally and physically--even if people might be confused about why you love something so much. Is there a piece of media that’s helped you with your mental health? Share it in the comments! - Nonir
Well, 2020 is definitely...a year so far. I know a lot of us were hoping this year would be better than the last and are already staring down tragedy after tragedy. I’ll be honest: it’s exhausting. Even as someone who has the privilege of safety, it’s hard to know that all of this awful stuff is happening in the world, and feeling like I can’t do anything to help. Anyone else struggling with feeling useless? I feel like I’m trying to stop the ocean with a sandcastle. Except the ocean is the shittiness in the world and the sandcastle is art and compassion.
We need community. We need compassion. We need creativity. We need to put on our own oxygen masks, then help improve the world in tiny ways as best we can. Sure, we might not be able to change things overnight, or enact the big, dramatic changes we’d like to see. But baby steps help at least ease the feeling of being useless. Because we’re not useless. Ordinary people like you and me is what’s going to make the world change, even if it doesn’t feel like it. We have to shout louder, create more, and above all survive. So here’s to 2020: my year of radical, revolutionary compassion.- Nonir P.s. If you want to help me make something to help you throughout the year, click here and take this two-minute survey. <3
Pop culture has a really complex relationship with mental health.
Honestly, I think that’s one of the things that’s beautiful about fan works: we have the ability to create our own representation, and make sure it’s what we want to see. Just being able to create or consume media that accurately portrays things like mental health issues can be incredibly healing. Representation matters.But even media that doesn’t have representation can be important in mental health. When I was at my lowest a few years ago, I latched onto a video game and it literally became my lifeline. Making it through the day to go home and play was the only reason I kept going. It got me through that time and, in a roundabout way that involved some Pop Culture Paganism shenanigans, was the thing that finally pushed me to get the help I needed. Pop culture strikes at the very core of us in ways we can’t expect. It can go way beyond just escapism. And sometimes that means books, TV shows, video games, music, whatever, are way more important to someone than you could ever guess. So don’t be ashamed if you cling to your favorite show to get you through the day. Do what you’ve got to do to make sure you’re healthy and taking care of yourself mentally and physically--even if people might be confused about why you love something so much. Is there a piece of media that’s helped you with your mental health? Share it in the comments!- Nonir
Have you started thinking about the changes you want to make for 2020 yet? I have. Like I said previously, I don't really like the idea of resolutions. But there are definitely some habits I want to form and some I want to get rid of. I've always struggled to make good habits, if I'm honest. It's hard to change the way we think or behave. But sometimes you just hit this point where the other option is just stagnating and staying in this place that you hate. So in 2020 I'm going to work on creating the habits I want to have. To that end, I made up a little something to try and help. It's a little printable to help keep track of what habits I want to make, how often I want to do them, and how I can reward myself for getting them done. Because carrots work better than sticks.  For example, I want to start exercising more. So I might fill it in with "If I do three pushups every day, I can have a piece of fancy chocolate." Rewards don't have to be big or expensive. They just have to feel good and motivating to you.If you'd like to give it a shot with me, feel free to download the PDF by clicking here. I'm also considering making a Facebook group or Discord server for accountability and support in the new year--so please let me know if you'd be interested in that!
- Nonir  Anyone else freaked out that 2019 is almost over? Cause I’m totally wondering where this year went. I had such big plans for this year, and instead I wound up spending most of it fighting my own brain and constantly preparing for or going to conventions and conferences. It was ridiculous. (Someone please punch me if I ever try to do eight conventions in one year again.) Regardless of how much I wish it wasn’t, the end of the year is creeping up on us. Which means 2020 planners are hitting shelves and folks are starting to think about New Year’s resolutions and goals. Personally, I don’t like resolutions. They always seem to make me feel guilty when I don’t accomplish them. And most indie planners and programs I’ve found focus on huge, scary goals and dreams, which totally aggravates my anxiety. But I also really like the idea of heading into the new year with some goals in place to focus on--and having a planner with worksheets and exercises to fill out helps organize my thoughts. It’s been kind of a sticky situation, honestly. This year, I think I have an answer (at least an experimental one): The 2020 Kickass Outcast Planner. Yep, I made my own planner--and I want to share it with you! I took the things I liked from other planners I’d tried, ditched the stuff I didn’t like (like huge, scary goals), gave it my own spin for us marginalized folks, and tacked on a couple bonus spells for fun. With monthly and weekly spreads, encouraging quotes, and plenty of room for doodles or notes, the Kickass Outcast Planner focuses on making teeny, achievable goals, and taking care of yourself throughout the year. Take a look inside. If you’re ready to rock 2020 and start working toward radically accepting yourself as a kickass outcast, this planner is for you. Grab your copy today and join me in making next year better than this one (even if only a little bit). - Nonir
 Fall has always been my favorite season. Here in Colorado, we get beautiful colors and the lovely smell of crisp leaves. (Anyone else think fall smells similar to old books?) Or, you know, we get snow first and I have to spend a half hour scraping ice off my car. Because Colorado. And climate change, but I'm not going to go on that rant right now. Instead, let's talk taking care of yourself as the days get shorter. Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) is pretty common during the fall and winter, and I'll admit I probably suffer from it on occasion myself. Basically SAD is seasonal depression, generally brought on by the lack of sunlight and the cold weather during winter. Remember I'm not a mental health professional, but some tips I've used and gathered from the Mayo Clinic include:
What do you do to take care of yourself during the darker seasons? I'd love to hear! - Nonir
I’ve been reading Brené Brown and working on being authentic and brave lately. It’s rough, but I think it’s an important step in owning who we are as Kickass Outcasts. That’s great, Nonir, but what’s it got to do with me? Well, it’s got me thinking about how much society pressures us to conform and how deeply most of us have internalized that message.I’m out here running this site and business focused on putting myself out there as authentically as possible, right? I still worry about what people are going to think and how I stand out. My subconscious decided to remind me of this the other night, when I had a dream about a cis woman telling me I needed to shave my legs (which I haven’t done in years, btw) in order to fit in. I woke up baffled and hurt--because I realized it was myself telling me to shave, even though I know the people important to me don’t actually care. This message that I have to fit the perfect image of an AFAB person--hairless, meek, demure--has dug so deep into my brain that it pops up when I move toward doing anything authentic (okay, so shaving my legs may be a metaphor for something bigger, but the point remains). Even when I think I’m ready to stand on my own and face the world as my Kickass Outcast self, this burning need to keep my head down and fit in refuses to let go. I know I’m not alone in this. Talking to friends and hanging on the ‘net, I see almost everyone struggle with this. We’ve been conditioned from childhood to avoid making waves, to follow instructions, to tie our self-esteem to how well we can fit in. It’s an incredibly difficult thing to shake off. But I do believe we can do it. I believe that, with the right support and encouragement and community, we can all learn to truly let ourselves shine. It might take a lifetime, and we’re never going to be perfect at it, but it’s worth the effort. I’m taking my baby steps forward and continuing to refuse to shave my legs. Because screw you conformity. What teeny tiny steps can you take to work toward being yourself instead of squishing yourself into a box? - Nonir
The thing about the fact that we’re all always growing, is that it’s really an incredible opportunity every day to figure out how to be more and more of the person that you want to be. I don’t know about you, but I needed to hear this. It was tucked away at the end of an interview I stumbled across, but it was one of those phrases that just reached in and punched my heart in the face. There’s this weird idea that once we hit a certain age, we’re supposed to be done growing and changing--that we’re supposed to know exactly who we are and be content with that.In my experience, that’s utter bullshit. Everyone is constantly evolving and recognizing new facets of ourselves. There are people who don’t realize or understand their sexuality or gender until well into their 50s or 60s or beyond. There are people who pick up new hobbies, interests, and passions the older they get. There are people who find their calling years after they’re out of school with a useless degree. [Side-eyes my useless degree] We’re not some fully-realized human once we become adults. We’re still messy, learning, growing, and changing. And that’s good. Becoming the person you want to be.  I decided I want to be a Pikachu. So there. For a long, long time I didn’t know who I wanted to be. I had a list of labels and jobs I wanted, but that isn’t who I wanted to be at the core. Due to my various traumas and being an outcast in my own right, I just felt lost. But one of the changes I was slowly going through was figuring out who that person is: confident, kind, funny, giving, creative. I’m still not where I’d like to be, but every day I can make the decision to work toward it, little by little. Every day is a new adventure and a new chance to understand and realize your own inner truth (yeah, okay, that sounds super New Age-y, sorry). So who do you want to be, and what steps are you taking toward them? - Nonir
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AuthorNonir is a queer pagan nerd and writes about various things in those realms. 
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