Perfectionism Dragons

Raise your hand if you’re a perfectionist.

[Imagine my hand waving high in the air]

Perfectionism is one of the things I’ve been struggling with for as long as I can remember. I’ve had countless therapy sessions that devolved into “fuck, that’s my perfectionism again!” It’s held me back from doing a lot and contributes more than I’d like to admit to my imposter syndrome and general anxiety.

But my therapist had me try something recently that’s really helped--and I want to share it with you.

(Keep in mind that I’m not a mental health professional myself, and your mileage may vary. I just found it particularly useful for me. This exercise is also included in the Punch Your Bad Brains in the Face free ebook!)

Here it is:

1. Think about some character or symbol that embodies your perfectionism for you. For example, my perfectionism is Smaug from The Hobbit. He sits atop his horde, ready to attack when I reach for the Arkenstone of my creativity or self-worth. 
   
2. Imagine what you feel when your perfectionism is kicking your butt, and give your character an action that goes with it. When Smaug is breathing fire at me (aka when my perfectionism tries to tell me I’ll never be good enough), I feel vulnerable, scared, lost, self-loathing, etc. It’s really not a great feeling. At all. 
3. Come up with what you’d say or do in the face of that perfectionism attack. I try to logic the angry dragon down and remind him that I am good enough and mistakes are okay. 
4. Imagine the worst-case scenario, if your perfectionism doesn’t listen to you. Smaug puffs himself up and towers over me, making me feel very, very small and weak and ready to give in. 
5. Find a way to soothe your perfectionism--and make sure it’s gentle and kind. No cages (that was my first reaction, honestly), no fights, no death. Just a way to get the dragon to back off and calm down. I took a page from Hagrid’s book and chose playing music to get Smaug to settle down--either imagining myself singing to him, or listening to some of my favorite music. 
6. Take the time to soothe yourself. I represent my inner child with a baby Totoro (yes, pop culture has a big place in my therapy), and my perfectionism hits a bunch of things in my past that upsets baby Totoro. So once Smaug is settled again, I take some time to snuggle Totoro and remind him that everything’s okay and the dragon isn’t going to eat us. Sometimes that’s literally cuddling a stuffed animal; sometimes it’s indulging in a treat; sometimes it’s taking a nap. 
   

And that’s it! Rinse and repeat as necessary. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve felt Smaug start to lift his head and was able to start soothing him ASAP, which helped me avoid a shame spiral.

So now you know how I’m dealing with my perfectionism--how are you dealing with yours? Tell me in the comments!

- Nonir